Q:
    Dear Kattchat,

I'm not sure that you can provide me with any answers but after researching my problem I'm not who might know and/or give me a straight answer to my question.  I met my boyfriend on Match.com and after noticing a few red flags I was questioning whether he was still doing the online dating thing.  I went to google and put in his username from Match which he told me was no longer active...his profile was still there but it said it had not been active in a long time.  However another profile came up under his match profile from sarasotasingleonline.com that had the exact same username (which is not common), same exact start to his profile, but it was active within 24 hrs, and it happens to be a gay site.  When I pulled up the site his profile was not on it (although it could be hidden).  It is also somehow affiliated with match because match is on the same page and is used as an address under Match.com at times when I google sarasotasingleonline.com.  When I called match they said they were not a sister site but they might rent space from them.  I looked them up and they share the same IP address but the computer knowledge is getting a little over my head.  I know a cookie could not store this much information but my question is how much information would a site share?  Could I have found it on google if that didn't actually exist? When I try to search for the site as a whole it really doesn't take me to much...It is all individual pages based on location and in this case its also gay but not always.  Do you know if they steal full profiles?  And what would the purpose be?  Match said It was a pay site and you would have to sign up for it separate but I really don't see where you can actually join sarasotasingleonline.com and that was the address under his second profile.  I also can't find any reviews or much of anything about the site except direct links to the pages.  It is exactly the same as his Match profile except for the current activity.  I guess it is very black and white but I'm wondering if there are any other possibilities???  I did not see this one coming.

Thanks...any advice or help would be a great help

Jennifer

A:
 Hello Jennifer and thanks for sharing your problem with us,

  After doing a little research we found that the site to which you are referring (sarasotasingleonline.com) is only an affiliate for match.com; what that means is that basically they are pointing you right back to match and that the profiles are in fact the same profile. Because there can be problems with poorly managed affiliate sites I would trust the length of active or inactive time according to match.com and assume that what your boyfriend has told you is correct: it has been some length of time since he has been active on his match account.

  Unfortunately, while this may solve one problem there is another that is far more important: why you feel that it is necessary to check up on your boyfriend. It can be difficult to trust people in a relationship, especially if you have been deceived or hurt in the past. In order for your relationship to be a happy and healthy one you must determine whether or not you are capable of trusting your boyfriend and if you do have doubts about his sincerity, it might be time to have a real heart-to-heart with him about how you feel.

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  I realize that you were not specifically asking for advice on trust issues, but I often see these kinds of actions from those who experience a great deal of trouble with that aspect of a relationship and as always it is my hope that any advice I can give will help you to feel more comfortable with your boyfriend and with yourself. If you are still worried that your boyfriend maybe using dating sites to meet other women, or men, you might try speaking with him about your fears, without actually explaining how you arrived at this conclusion. By expressing a general fear of him acting in this way you might allow him to put an end to them by expressing his own feelings for you. Remember, without trust almost any relationship will have great difficulty, talk with your boyfriend and find a way to trust without having to put yourself through a situation which can create so much unnecessary stress.

  Be well Jennifer and be happy, thanks again for sharing your feelings and please feel free to write again for help or if you would like to share your progress with us.

-Katt