Q:
    I’m a 42 year old woman with a history of only 2 boyfriends! It’s hard to admit but it’s true. I have always been a bit withdrawn, a wallflower perhaps. Unfortunately, over the years my hermit behavior has increased. I have even lost some social skills. I am so nervous about dating, too nervous to take the first step. Yet, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life lonely. How can I get up the guts to get out there and take some chances?

A:
Hello Edna and thank you for sharing,

     I believe you have already taken a step in just recognizing that your situation is causing you to be unhappy, don’t forget that it takes strength to face ones problems and you did that. There is no shame in being selective about the partners you’ve chosen to share your life with, quantity is not necessarily a good thing and keep in mind that in many cases it is those who have been careful about their relationships that are the happiest when they find real love.

• Online dating or friendfinding sites are a great place to begin for those that find that they have become disconnected. Many sites offer local listings so that if you find your relationship progressing in the direction of wanting to meet face to face it can be easily accomplished. I would suggest that you first try sites that focus on bringing together people with like interests, not necessarily just for romantic purposes, look for sites that host community message boards, magazines, even live chat rooms where you can meet people instantly.

Through these methods I believe you will soon find you have many people to chat with who have similar interests and perhaps even the man of your dreams. The online world of dating/friendfinding is a remarkable idea for people like you who find that traditional methods have failed them. Be sure to speak up about your likes and dislikes and remember to be yourself. Many people, like you, find that though they would like to makes a connection with others knowing where to start can be daunting, these sites can be an excellent start for new relationships. See our own villagematchmaker.com reviews for info on sites that focus on community, then muster up your courage and take a chance! Keep in mind that you are safe, that you’re not obligated to chat with anyone you don’t feel comfortable with and that perhaps the right guy you’ve been waiting for finds himself in much the same situation…waiting for you!

• Another option you may want to check into is local community events and activities that coincide with your own interests. Check your local message boards and see if you find anything that appeals to you. Though you may attend events and not find a romantic relationship it could be an excellent way to meet like-minded friends and shed some of those feelings you’re currently having about feeling a little out of the loop about being social; at the very least you will be getting out the of the house and participating in something you find interesting, this alone could help to inspire more confidence.

• Before you set off to find the wonderful people who will be thrilled to be a part of your life, take a little time to find out why it is that you became this cut off.  Whatever the reason may be, identifying the problem before you set out to make new friends could be very important.  If you find that pinpointing a reason is too difficult you may want to speak with a professional counselor to get to the root of the problem. Too often people have difficulty in discovering how a situation became almost out of their control and end up repeating the same behavior. If you can identify the source of your reclusive behavior which has made you so unhappy perhaps you can avoid those same pitfalls in the future, which will no doubt create a more confidant, more social and most importantly happier you.

  Be well Edna and be happy, thanks again for sharing your feelings and please feel free to write again for help or if you would like to share your progress with us.

-Katt